I write to you not in pain but in content. Content that you taught me how to love myself the hard way;Content that you have taught me numerous lessons about how to love and who to love…..How I should be treated like a lady; what I can and cant settle for. You have taught me the difference between crumbs and a piece of cake. You have taught me how humans can use love for their benefit and their selfish needs. you have taught me how people are only loyal to their need of you. You have shown me how my emotions are my weakness and how they can be used like a yoyo -just to pass idle time for an empty person. How I only fit into people’s schedule at their own convenient time, how humans can bend me and break me down just to enjoy the view of how broken I can be. How I fall for stupid and empty people full of egos and pride; how I fall for the promises people make just to please my ears; how I can fall for skin deep beauty. Love has shown me UGLY souls. Love has shown me how people can hate themselves and project their self hate to me,how peoples opinions can cloud my judgement ,how love can mentally torment your thinking; how I can be emotionally drained in the name of “love”. love has shown me that it is a tool and in the wrong hands it can be used to tear me down physically, emotionally,spiritually, psychologically,mentally……love has taught me self worth,self esteem,confidence in who I am and confidence God’s purpose for my life. Love has proven to me over and over again that it is a two way street. It has to be reciprocated for it to be true love. Love, You did screw me up big time but it was all in preparation for this love I own right now…the love of my life.
I thought love was something I could never achieve simply because I didn’t love myself the way I should have. I didn’t know that love should come from within yourself not from others. I was always seeking approval from others because I thought their opinion mattered than my own. Always looking out to please them first. little did I know that that’s how you hand out power to people;power to control your emotions,power to control your happiness;power to control your happy endings,power to control how you think,how you react…. my mind and thoughts have to be controlled by me first, that’s where peace begins …in my mind
I gave that power to the wrong people and boy did they manipulate that power; until the day I hit rock bottom several times;the day I realized that no one will ever love me the way I could love myself;that was the day I understood what love is. That day I found self love, I realized I have a Maker that loves me no matter what; I found that his love was eternal,never ending full of peace,joy,love. It is a love that didn’t require nagging; a love that was always there for me;a love I didn’t have to work hard or compete to get; a love that stood the test of time ; a love that I was so blind to see ………a love that has made me complete.
Since I found this love it has shown me the beauty of life; the beauty in actions not just words ;the beauty in everyone I meet;the beauty in nature;the beauty in good and bad times,the beauty in seasons ;the beauty that lies within me and above all the beauty in love. Lord your love surpasses my human nature to sin,your love comes to my rescue every time I call upon you. Am your daughter and your love has taught me to love me first before I love my neighbor. You can never pour from an empty jar;you have to take care of yourself first.Feed your mind ;your soul,your spirit; your heart with big dreams,hope,faith,Gods word. Hold on to God’s promises until you see them come to pass in your life. He is a very faithful God and He will never shame you. He sets a table before you because of your enemies,just for them to watch as He prepares a feast before their eyes. His will take revenge upon all those who have wronged you. He says ”revenge is mine” and He always gets it.
Dear love you did save the best for last and for that I thank you. A child Is always a blessing, a gift God has trusted me with, a gift to taken care of on a daily basis. A gift that pays back in love and laughter. A soul so precious that has to be fed with love and joy. A gift that reminds me of the hope I have in God;the endless blessings that God can bless me with. The amazing places my God will take me to. A gift that never allows me to give up in life or forget how Big of a God you are…an endless love that is to be treasured. A gift of motherhood given to me through my child. God bless and guide him each day and may he grow up to be a God fearing child.